Engvall & Company

Twink boys that look as if they’re sixteen are not cute.

Yes, that includes that damn Justin Bieber.

There is nothing hot about picturing my father while I’m having sex with someone else.

Justin Bieber is not hot.

“Proud Gays” are Nonsensical

I have something else to say today.

Why the hell do “proud gays” even exist? Are my parents “proudly straight?” I suppose they could be, but it flat-out doesn’t make sense to be proud of any sexual orientation. It’s just fact.

Oh! You’re attracted to someone! Great! Can we get PAST that point now? I don’t care if you’ve made this revelation that you like a certain sex. How does that change anything about the world?

So these newfound gays—the ones that hid in the closet and finally came out—when they post shit on Facebook, constantly espousing their love for their lover or their proactive feelings toward the Supreme Court ruling, they are being JUST as annoying to me as those damned straight people posting pictures of their significant others all over the damn place. “Look at my hot date! [insert cheesy emoji].” “Smooches! [image of kisses attached]”

I believe that the notion of sexual orientation is an over-simplification of people’s romantic preferences. One isn’t “gay” or “straight”—SO many people are a mixture, or none of the above. Or they don’t even define their terms of attraction by anatomy; it’s defined by qualities that are completely independent of physical appearance.

So why the hell is there even a debate? Why the hell do people even care? I have a boyfriend, and I’m a guy. That’s that. You don’t see me posting any and all things gay on twitter or Facebook. How much of my character is REALLY defined by being attracted to men? Other than the part of my character that makes me attracted to men (that part being literally “Tim is attracted to men” and nothing more), there is absolutely no other part of me that grows upon that characteristic.

So stop trying to identify with a group, guys. It’s annoying as hell. This isn’t straight against gay, conservative against liberal, or whatever. It’s people against people. So shut the hell up. Gays, quit this “pride” bullshit, because there’s nothing to be proud of. And to the religious conservatives, quit this “sinners go to hell” bullshit because (1) that book is filled with false statements—there can perfectly well be a couple more; and (2) these people affect a total of 0% of your life, so there is no reason to be upset.

Damn our modern conception of sexuality.

I don’t like it when gay porn portrays dominance and repression.

Why the hell do I want to hear “SHUT THE FUCK UP” or “TAKE IT, FAG.”

Which brings me to something else. After all the times gay people are called “fag” as a serious insult, you wouldn’t expect to see it in your porn. Why the hell would you want to hear some couple shouting “fag” at each other when it’s used by others to simultaneously mean something very hateful?

So fuck all of you that think being called “fag” and being repressed by some “straight” man is a turn on.

dickhaven:

xxx